Pride. Everyone has it. Everyone. But sometimes, you might forget. C'est la vie.

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I'm overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated and unintelligible. But somehow, I feel blessed. Wonder why....

I'm tired, so fucking tired.

I do not know how to say this besides how it is. A guitar string broke today. The 6th. It seems to be a sign of impending doom in my pursuit to conceive a skill in creating music. Sure, there are 5 more strings, but each does not signify a life; 5 out of 6. You need all 6 to play it. Instead it is now 1 piece short of a whole and thus cannot live on. Of course it can be repaired, but this begs the question: will it be the same as before? The horror of it breaking and its repetition continues to torment me. I've put the guitar aside. Not wishing to see the damage even though it already has burnt itself a hole in my head. There is no hurry, there is time, I tell myself rather unconvincingly. I will take care of it another day. Procrastination, you might call it, pessimists would refer to it as delaying the inevitable.

Dear God, give me strength.

Every single endeavour we undertake, out of passion and not our abnormal human quirks, we perform with the slight consciousness that it would affect the future of our genetic line. We seek knowledge, we pray and preach, we take risks with our wealth and our lives, not for any rational self-benefit but with hope that the descendants of our kind may live in a better world. We fight our wars, of strengths and wit, we conserve life, preserving nature's best and it is too hard to simply point these as altruistic acts in our endless desire to prove that there are better ways to live. We save, engineer, innovate, do it all, for the kids. Tell a mother that she needs to die for her child to live and she will not hesitate for a moment. But tell the same mother that her child needs to die to save others and the task would be gauged for much longer. We make similar choices everyday, if you think about it. The question is, are we trying too hard? We try to believe that providing our future generation with entities of which we ourselves did not enjoy in our time would enrish their lives. Are they? And is there such a thing as trying too hard? Right now, I think the real challenge is merely getting through the day.

empty . every conversation sucks me dry . words free of emotion . why do you insist . why do you toy