Filipino Happiness

Travelling towards town on a Sunday, it is inevitable to meet our foreign talents from the Philippines. (Some may argue that they shouldn't be classified as talents but i'd rather differ)

Our country struggles a love-hate relationship with these visitors. Knowing this, as well as considering the events occurring in their homeland now, I stand amazed at how they can still put on a smile as they dress up in their 'nicest' clothes on their way to Church and/or rejoicement with their friends.

Despite the topic being taboo in the mainstream media, many Singaporeans regard our foreign talents who are not employed to work at an office desk as second-class immigrants. A sense of disdain is felt in the expressions of locals as they enter the public domains of transport and city centers in their cultural groups. Easily recognisable in their attire, lingua franca and volume, many the locals maintain a distance. Its funny that individually, they are trusted to care for our homes, feed our families, guard our children, and yet as a collective regarded as pesky, overflowing and alien. Is it because they are not directly contributing to the local economy? Is it that they live with a more carefree attitude than what Singaporeans should?

Unfortunately, the bias is unfortunately diffused to those who are 'gainfully employed' next to us in our workplaces. Many are treated with distrust as they "take our jobs" and by definition, our money.

Could it be that at the core of it all, we are jealous of our friends that have made our land a cash cow. Could it be that we envy their temporary contentment. Maybe, its the fact that they have something to live for at the end of the road. Do we?

Art, Schmart (Speakeasy, Artistry, Jan 17th 2014)

Something so raw and visceral that is art, an expression that has no start, nor end, but an at-present feeling. No records, no videos, just, now. I sit here absorbing the sight and sound of a 'performing artist', as vague as that description can be. I sit, absorb, recoil, resist, recline with a sinking feeling of anxiety and intense insanity crawling up my bowed spine. My hurt ears suggest my lack of belonging and yet I stay seated.

The Problem with Jay Gatsby / Jim Halpert / The World

I recently watched Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby, a spectacular film adaptation of F. Scott Fitzgerald's book. However, what i wasn't prepared to was to feel a kinship with the title character.

Now I'm not a student of literature or film. But I do realize that any statement that is repeated in a work of fiction is meant to be a point remembered. And what was repeatedly mentioned about Jay Gatsby was his optimism and how unfortunately, he asks (or expects) too much of others. And this is why i can relate.

Jay's a giver. He gives and people take, every weekend, every day. His name penetrates the milieu of society's rich and yet, nobody really knows who he is. The only thing I notice that he takes back in exchange for his givings is his liberty. Its peculiar that the people who spend hours on end at his estate have yet to actually met the man. And all the riches he has gained, all that he has done was to achieve a simple goal, to return 'her' to his arms. The irony is that when he finally haves her, though limited it was, when he stops giving...when he chooses to take what he feels he deserves...he is rejected, abandoned, forgotten. Is that what happens when you choose to think for yourself rather than for others? And he was not rejected simply by the strangers but also his 'loved' ones.

This brings me to Jim Halpert from The Office. Everybody loves Jim....everybody.... from the first season as he gazed longingly at Pam from his desk, to the day he took a break from his 'dream job' to spend time with his 'dream wife' and family. If you're a fan of the office, you must have rejoiced when Jim and Pam first embraced each other in the office. Now, Jim's a giver. He supported Pam when she went to Art School. He bought the house they lived in. He cut off his tie at the wedding to cheer her up. But when he took up his dream job....

Dear world, treat your givers well. Because if they give up hope...

Seven

Sometimes I worry. Sometimes I worry that I do not have her patience.

Don't know whether its simply my body telling me to catch up on my rest, but i get so tired...and not just physically. Choose from the following options: A) mentally, B) emotionally, C) spiritually, D) all of the above.

Don't know whether its just seasonal. It is the point when we indulge in our familial bonds and catch up to our realities, all different passages yet forever intertwined. I lay my head but the pillow sinks too much.

Imagine yourself, another body, another life, another soul. Would you take the paths you have chosen thus far? Give and take. Ask and answer. Stay and leave. Live and not. Trust and abandon.

Love. An organic curse that pulls our heart to make choices blind. It pushes and pulls with reasons never clear. Funny how it drives us every day but nobody can help us understand.

Serendipity. Fate. Grand masterplan. Fuck.

Dear Beloved

My goodness how long it has been since the first time we met. I can't truly say it was love at first sight, even though you are indeed a sight to see. I am an emotional person, which I admit i do try hard to hide. I consider myself a perceptive person, and yet many times I fail to learn what is on your mind. You intrigue me my love, sometimes to a point of infuriation that I try to discover what lies beneath.

Thus far in our long romance, I have settled on the fact that I will never fully understand you more than any man can truly realize a woman. This does not mean that I surrender to the unknown, simply that I will continue my pursuit of this knowledge til my dying breath. I promised once and frequented reminders that I will take care of you for as long as you allow and I intend to keep this promise, for now and ever more.

Nothing can truly compare to what I feel for you. No chambers of time, nor steel segments can encompass the depth of emotion I have with you. All the words in the world can be verbose enough or validate my heart's desire. But I give these to you freely as inklings of the joy you bring to me in this life.

I hope you believe that I love you sweetheart with all my heart, body and soul. I thank your parents for bringing you on this date those years ago, onto this lonely Earth. I thank you for choosing this path which has led you to me. And I thank God for allowing me to have you by my side all this time. Never a regret have I considered in this journey of ours. You bring me a certain calmness, the value in my life I can never compensate.

Happy Birthday my darling! My best wishes are for you. Know that I will always be behind you,and more importantly by your side holding your faith, in every endeavour you wish to achieve.

Shallow Dreams and Pent Up Feelings

Family. One day I want to build one...one of my own. But considering the situation I am in...the state of mind I am experiencing at this current point in my life..., my inner self chuckles a sinister laugh at this want of mine.

I hear his words ring clearly in my thoughts..."Why the hell would you want to do that, you stupid bastard?"

And I know he's right. The economy's in the shitter. The world of politics is losing its mind. Media celebrates pastiche way too much for our own good. Technology is advancing so fast that half of us always seem to be trying to catch up. And our education system....don't get me started with the education system...

The world is in so much of a transition that we...as part of the generation that went through these changes first-hand...must ask, "Is there a future for us?" Don't get me wrong. This is a personal web log but i am not trying to sound all that dramatic. We are part of the first generation that is ill-prepared for our adult lives. We take up many jobs that didn't exist 5 to 10 years ago. Many of us are in some kind of debt before we reach 25 years of age. And most of us anticipate going into another in the near future. So what lies beyond for us? Nobody will know.

Whatever happens, we have to prepared, no matter how ironic that sounds. I choose to hold on to my dreams of a fluffy career and cosy family home. Nothing or nobody is going to change that. Instead of griping for your comfort zone, I dare anyone to take in the challenge of change. In the words of Tim Gunn, "Make It Work!"

I'm sick of the screaming. Bloody fucking nonsense. It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't serve any purpose besides making everyone more agitated. So what's the point?

I have to get out.